Always bet on...?

A lot of winners in today’s prediction trade, but everything is dependent on one thing.  Will the Toronto Raptors go black to keep Chris Bosh?  If they do, this is how they could create a cascading effect of cap relief throughout the league.  Observe.

The Teams:  Toronto Raptors, Portland Trail Blazers, Philadelphia 76ers, Memphis Grizzlies

Toronto:  If signing Bosh means going black, then the Raptors have to deport many of their foreign players.  Long contracts like the recently signed Hedo Turkoglu (5yrs/50+million) and the veteran Jose Calderon (4yrs/36+million) are priority moves.  A player like Andrea Bargnani though is not one of the deportees, at least not if the Raptors can help it. Neither are the likes of DeMar Derozan and Jarret Jack, who play well with the one being woo’d, Chris Bosh.

Portland:  The entire NBA can hear that it’s not working out in Portland with Andre Miller.  If only Hedo Turkoglu hand’t bolted.

Philidelphia:  The 76ers are wishing for the days when they were a scrappy low seed playoff team.  Elton Brand’s tenure has been a disaster, and Philly would be lucky to have anyone even contemplate taking on his contract.  Important to note that the scrappy Philly team that was last in the playoffs was lead by Andre Miller.

Memphis:  Now here is a team where things are working out a little better than expected.  Zach Randolf is getting his great numbers and contributing to wins.  Marc Gasol is quickly becoming a top young talent at center.  O.J. Mayo and Rudy Gay both have good and great nights (though for how long L.A. Mayo and Rudy Gay stick around is questionable).  The softest spot of weakness, if Memphis is being honest with themselves, is at the point with Mike Conley.  He’s young, but this team could be in a low seed playoff hunt with a better PG, and that sells more tickets than Allen Iverson on a losing team can.

Toronto:  Takes on Brand’s horrific contract in the going black experiment.  Gets rid of both Calderon AND Turkoglu without having to sacrifice Bargnani or Derozan though, and that’’s very good.  If supporting Bosh’s guys like Jarret Jack and dumping the euro trip gets Bosh to resign, its a good move for Toronto.  They can always try to sacrifice Bargnani’s contract shopping Elton Brand later on if need be.

Portland:  Gets the player wanted and get rid of the player unwanted.

Philadelphia:  Taking a step back is a step forward in this case, and going back to the days of no Elton Brand and Andre Miller at Point Guard don’t seem so bad.  Let’s face it, anything short of taking on Gilbert Arenas’ contract for Elton Brand is a good move.

Memphis:  Shores up The Point Guard spot with a very solid pass-first veteran who happens to be a fellow countryman to Marc Gasol, the impressive second year center.  The Grizzlies give up very little to get Calderon and Mike Conley is still on the roster to develop or trade at a later date.

Behold, a Future

So Not Pat Riley Pat Riley

Lord, all that diva needs is to believe, really believe, he can lead this underdog team.  That no matter what everybody says, they can contend.  Once we have that, once the team is feeding off of him and he’s feeding off of the team, anything is possible, we’ll have a shot, maybe a small one, but it’s there, and I can taste it.

Now we haven’t had that chemistry, I’ll admit that. I don’t know what I did wrong.  Okay, that’s bullshit.  I know exactly what I did wrong, but Lord, I’m Pat Riley, come on.

What do I need to do?  Do I need to get Caron Butler?  Is that what I need to do?  What about the summer?  The summer of everything? The summer I staked Dwyane Wade’s prime on?  I know deep down Caron can be that guy at small forward, that guy Dwyane can believe in and feed off of.  But Lord, to pull that off I either need one of two things.  A deal just for Caron and Haywood which isn’t going to happen.  Or Lord, here me out, a money deal.  I say do it big.  I hear myself saying it, “Do it big Pat.”.  You know how I feel about Jermaine What can you do? At the end of the day if he has to go, he has to go.  So if I send over Jermaine and maybe tack on a  Cook or Mario or maybe even Jim, though I’ll miss him, tough knock being named after that crazy massacre, if I do those things…I need Haywood.  I’ll take old man Mike James with his funky stuff to make the money work, but I need Brendan in the deal.  Maybe I send both Chalms Cook and Jones to get it done, point is, Haywood’s in the deal.  And deep down Lord I know I can somehow deal Caron while signing Lebron.  It’ll be hard, but you have my back, so it’s cool. You get me.  You Get what I’m saying. Look at these rings. How could you not get me.  All right.  I did my thing.  Now you do your thing, then I’ll do my thing again, and it’ll all be on.  15 Strong!

Nobody wanna see us together

****UPDATE**** Iverson signs with Philly and is overjoyed to tears!

In with a bang, out with a whimper.  So will be the legacy of The Answer should the Boston Celtics or Miami Heat or even the Cleveland Cavaliers not come calling.  And they may not come calling.  For a player who plays a position better than at least 15 current NBA starters, it is a thing of wonder that he is not on a team somewhere.  Wasn’t the economy supposed to be bad?  Isn’t a guy who can provide a highlight reel’s worth of plays every night, even at his age (just see Steve Nash when put in the right situation for himself) worth going after for nearly no money by professional sports standards at all?  Iverson is not Stephan Marbury.  Iverson does not cry to mediocre music while eating petroleum jelly (technically, neither does marbury, but it’s close).  So he doesn’t want to come off the bench.  He doesn’t want to come off the bench by default.  Let him play for it like anybody else.  Oh, but he can’t just compete for a spot.  If it was that simple he would be starting in Memphis right now.  Rich Greek and Russian international club owners, pull out the pocket book and pony up por favor.  Send this guy to an international team, any place, and if given the keys, he will make them contenders.  He is that kind of player.  Period.  It’s hard not to feel like there is some kind of example being set of Iverson by owners and GM’s in the league.  He hasn’t been accused of cheating like Barry Bonds, yet like Bonds, he is an older player who can still perform who is not being given a chance to even though multiple places could use him at the price he’s asking.

Finding out how a clearly traumatized Artest stayed in the league

Last time I checked Iverson also hasn’t punched or choked anyone in an arena.  Its understandable that some teams would considering him too much of a personality for what they have going, but what does a team like Sacramento have going for it?  Or Minnesota?  Or New York?  It’s just weird, and it’s weird because things don’t add up.  Allen Iverson epitomizes player individuality in sports.    Now who would want to squash that?

1. The old looked old and the young looked young as the Bulls grabbed the remote from Granddaddy Celtics and changed the channel.

2.  Cleveland may still be leading the East, but they’ve lead the East before and collapsed in the playoffs.  All is not well here.

12/07/09

1.  A.I.!!! Welcome Home Nigga!  Some words to the wise before you up and commit practicide…sell out crowds want sell out wins.

2.  Portland, never select a big man again

12/03/09

1.  Miami, stranded a mile high and sucking.  Help!

2.  San Antonio’s DeJuan Blair needs to be set straight on the floor-plan of a basketball court.  The chowda heads say thanks.

3.  The Rockets turn over the ball multiple times yet somehow still go on a run and beat Golden State.

11/25/09

1.  Darren Collison Brandon Jennings’d Brandon Jennings as the Hornets stole the game from the Bucks.

2.  What do you know?  The Pacers can win a game without Danny Granger.  The Clippers are a good morale booster for many teams in the league.

3.  Has Stephen Jackson found a home and a Daddy?  Maybe, as Charlotte beats Toronto by a lot.

4.  Boston beat the 76ers, but the game was closer than it should have been.  This kind of win 40 games from now should be a concern.

5.  White Chocolate almost took out the Heat.  Almost.

6.  Come on.  Cleveland is  a better team right now without the Big Underachiever, as shown by the win against Detroit.

7.  The T-Wolves lost to the Nuggets.  If anything this season shows the emergence of Cory Brewer as a legitimate NBA player.

8.  The Mavericks completely dominate the Rockets.  Completely.

9.  Monte Ellis is getting his points, but the Warriors still lose to the Spurs.

10. Nash the Assistor dished out 16 more in this win over the Grizzlies.

11. The Blazers beat the Nets, but Oden has to get the fouls under control or his game will continue to be stunted.

12.  Tyreke Evans is proving to be a powerhouse as the Kings crush the Knicks.

11/24/09

1.  Jamison steps up big time for the Wizards with Caron Butler sidelined with injury.  Phillie fans have started burning Elton Brand FatHeads.

2.  One day Larry Bird might actually realize that Danny Granger alone cannot win basketball games all of the time.  Fortunately for the Raptors, that day has not come.

3.  Fuck Dallas.  Golden State does all the time and seems to like it.

4.  Devin Harris is going to have to get his game back soon as the Nuggets mercy killed the Nets.

5.  Kevin Durant can own a team, the Jazz found that out the hard way.

6.  What exactly is Eddie Curry supposed to do for the Knicks?  If it’s suck, he did that in the six minutes he played in the loss to the Lakers.

11/23/09

1.  The Memphis Grizzlies finally looked like an NBA team.  Sure it was against the Sacramento Kings, but beggars can’t be choosers, or so they say.

2.  Mat Bonner outplayed a returning Michael Redd.  Don’t fret, Brandon Jennings still plays for the Bucks.

3.  Who’s that tall old guy making buckets and grabbing rebounds for Portland?

4.  Minnesota looses to the Clippers and laments the folly of passing on Brandon Jennings.

11/22/09

1.  A kinder, gentler Stan Van Jeremy coached the Magic past the Raptors

2.  The Celtics had to go into overtime to beat the Knicks.  Let the panic begin.

3.  Stephen Jackson didn’t score much, but he did a lot of everything else to put the Bobcats over the Pacers.

4.  Nobody ever gave Udonis Haslem nothing…except the ball twice in the closing minutes of the 4th quarter so he could save the day against a hobbled New Orleans.

5.  Nash is the sun this Phoenix team revolved around as they torched Detroit (lotta torching going on in the motor city now a’days).

6.  Kobe Fucking Bryant

11/17/09

1.  Russel Westbrook explained to Pat Riley in detail why he should seriously consider upgrading at the starting point

2.  Monte Ellis played a nice game for Golden State in this loss to the Cavs.  Who will he play a nice game for next?

3.  Danny Granger, Roy Hibbert and Dante Jones the core of a winning team?  Hey, it’s just the Nets.

4.  It may take a little longer than thought for Byron Scott to find another head coaching job.  Or it will if Jeff Bower keeps on winning without Chrris Paul.

5.  Is Steve Nash Ponce de Leon?  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?  The world may never know.

6.  Carmelo Anthony has a migraine so he only shot 80% and scored a meager 32 points in 30 minutes.  In a wonder the Nuggets pulled this one out against Toronto.

7.  This season if the Bulls score over 100 points, they win.  Course, today was the first day that happened, and it happened against the Kings, so don’t get attached to that statistic.

8.  Detroit needs to trade Rip for some value.  Until they do they will not be able to maximize their roster and teams like the Lakers will continue to pound them like bitches.

11/16/09

1.  Joe and Josh showed that J is indeed a powerful letter as the Hawks took a shit on the overtime trail blazed by Portland

2.  Brandon Jennings shot like crap but almost had a triple double in this overtime nail-biter.  Unfortunately, tall Germans can play ball too as Dallas came away with the win.

3.  Orlando beat Charlotte, but word is Nelson’s out 4-6 weeks making for a downer on a win night.

11/14/09

1.  Not even an on fire Peja could stop a fully loaded Atlanta Hawks team.

2.  Correct me if I’m wrong but Andre Miller is a point guard right?  Well, Portland won anyway, but against the Bobcats, what else are they supposed to do?

3.  The old guys looked old as the Pacers euthanized Boston

4.  The Wiz lost to Detroit, but little man Boynkins made a splash in his debut.

5.  J.J. Hickson, not the J.J. of Better Basketball Fame, continues to build off his recent string of good games in this win over a Deron Williamsless Jazz

6.  Dwyane “Fucking” Wade

7.  Speaking of euthanasia, Elton Brand needs to be put out of his misery as Philly loses to Chicago.

8.  It’s just the Timberwolves…but Mac Gasol can play basketball.

9. Brandon “Fucking” Jennings

10. Another team that may not be able to run away from age is the Spurs, as demonstrated by the trouncing they received from a young Thunder team.

11/12/09

1.  Shaq and Lebron still can’t play together, but the rest of the Cavs played well enough to extinguish the hopes and dreams of Dwyane Wade for one night in November.  Some things just don’t last.

2.  Only five assists for Steve Nash?  If you think I’m about to write “and the Suns still beat the Lakers.” You’d be wrong.

11/04/09

1.  Without the Matrix, the Suns fell to the Magic and their version of Mr. Anderson

2.  Two inconsistent teams fight it out and the Canadian one wins…go figure

3.  Arenas picked the wrong night to ballhog as Flash zoomed to another nail-biting victory

4.  Ty Lawson has his coming out party as the Nuggets brutalize the Nets in the second half on their way to staying undefeated.

5.  Led by Brandon Rush’s triple double, the Pacers showed the Donnie Walsh managed Knicks what for.

6.  Boston beat Minnesota.  No shocker.  The game was close.  SHOCKER!!!

7.  The second overtime win in a row has some questioning the Lakers.  Other’s, not so much.

8.  Chris Paul and last year’s Dwyane Wade should talk about what it’s like to completely carry a team.

9.  The Hawks are for real.  The East should worry.

10. Golden State…more than meets the eye there.

11/03/09

1.  Young Coach Spoelstra of the Heat up and lost it in the 4th quarter as the Canadian Vampire sucked the lifeblood out of the AAA.

2.  Washington started off hot then “Wizzed” away its early lead as the Big Underachiever finally made his presence known on the court.

3.  The Pacers couldn’t buy a 3-pointer as they lost badly to a surging Nuggets team

4.  Look on the bright side 76er fans, at least you beat Boston at the line even though you were beaten by Boston everywhere else.

5.  Somewhere out there Stan Van Jeremy just popped a vein from seeing that game, and no, not that vein.

6.  If Brandon Jennings were on a real team, he might have actually won this  game.

7.  Lakers in overtime against the Thunder.  No, your eyes didn’t fool you, Lakers in OVERTIME against the Thunder

8.  Carlos Boozer and Paul Milsap continued to compete for who can under-perform more in this loss to the Mavericks

9.  The Atlanta Hawks might very well be for real as new addition Jamaal Crawford bitch-slapped the Blazers back to the front of the trail they walked in on.

11/02/09

1.  Lazy

11/01/09

1.  Udonis Haslem made a compelling case for that contract dangling at the end of this season in a clutch win over the healthy yet mediocre Chicago Bulls.

2.  Steve Nash dished to everybody and their moms for a crushing win over the Timberwolves.

3.  Toronto has yet to decide whether they want to be a real basketball team or just some half-assed Canadian knockoff

4.  The Menacingly Jolly Green Giant that is Boston clobbered the Hornets with their big clubs.

5.  Allen Iverson continued to sit out on homecoming revenge plots, once again aiding by inaction the punishment of his current team.

6.  Portland has yet to decide whether they want to take this season seriously.  The Thunder couldn’t decide whether the point of the game was to put the ball in the hole.

7.  Atlanta played possum at the end of the 3rd quarter and didn’t wake up till it was far too late as they get molested at the dirty Hollywood hands of the Lakers.

10/31/09

1.  Chris Kaman returned as the albino ogre from the Lord of the Rings tacked on 27pts and 11 boards.  Tragically, this was not enough to stop the Clippers from sucking the life out of the arena and slumping to 0-3.

2.  Despite early injury, The Wizards bounce back from a tough loss to Atlanta to pounce on the easy prey of the New Jersey Nets.  The new owner vows to weaken the legs of Arenas with a bevy of escorts the next time he’s in town.

3.  Another Cleveland win without Shaq contributing has area residents pondering trade scenarios with Golden State.

4.  After having a Rocky 1 moment the night before in a double overtime loss to the Bobcats, the Knicks decide to forgo the sequel and relieve the first movie again by going the distance against Philly and coming up just short of victory.

5.  On a night when Roy and Aldridge combine for a total of 69 points the Blazers still lose, and to Houston.  The place is starting to smell like the Hornets locker room from the beginning of last season.

6.  Brandon Jennings can play basketball.  Detroit just found that out.

7.  Nobody for the Spurs played more than 27 minutes in this mercy killing of the Kings.

10/30/09

1.  Lazy

10/29/09

1.  Everybody on the Bulls pitched in for the surprise win of the night as the Spurs showed some weakness on the road.

2.  Brandon Roy and Rudy Fernandez are no Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups.

10/28/09

1.   A triple double by L Bron proved wholly inadequate as the Shaqsperiment continued to implode.

2.  Orlando scored more points in the second quarter than Elton Brand did all of last season.  Maresse Speights continued to show that not only is he the future of the 76er’s, he is the present as well.

3.  Charlotte spread teh scoring like Larry Brown spreads the love…meaning there was none.

4.  It turns out Danny Granger alone cannot beat the Atlanta Hawks.  That is why it’s called a team sport

5.  The new Spurs pieces work a lot like the old Spurs pieces work…really well.  The disgruntled Chris Paul rumors can pick up in earnest now.

6.  Canadian Vampire Steve Nash willed his team to victory over the L.A. Clippers.

7.  Dahntey Jones answered the question, “Who the fuck is Dahntey Jones?” in a big victory over the Utah Jazz

8.  The Timberwolves beat out the Nets in the “young and mediocre” battle of the night.

9.    The Oklahoma City Thunder continued to show why they are the Portland Trailblazers from two seasons ago.  The Sacramento Kings continued to show why they are the Sacramento Kings from two seasons ago.

10. Allen Iverson sat out on his chance to stick it to Detroit.  Advantage Detroit.

11. Jermaine O’neal can actually play basketball, even if for only 30 minutes.  Tim Grover’s fees double over night.

12.  Houston, we have a problem.  It is not Golden State though.

10/27/09

1.  L Bron Hubbard and the Big “Underachiever” couldn’t hang with three old guys and a raging hardon (Rajon Hardon).

2.  Agent Zero proved to be a hero dropping 29 points and 9 dimes in a triumphant return to the league he loves.  Dallas Proved once again they have yet to recover from the D-Wade devastation suffered in the finals of 2006.

3.  Shockingly, Aaron Brooks, Luis Scola, Shane Battier, and new comer Trevor Ariza were not up to the challenge against a maturing, well stocked, Portland Trailblazer team.  Truly, truly, shocking

4.  Baron Davis’s formidable facial hair was powerless to stop a stacked Lakers team as the Clippers continued their existence-long trend of sucking.

Prozac?

When retired porn star and current Orlando Magic head coach Stan van Gundy decided to put aside his dower task-master persona and open up to his players as a kinder gentler Gundy, he was anticipating more team unity and more wins.  What he wasn’t expecting was a slew of endorsement offers and an ongoing bidding war for use of his likeness by several major pharmaceutical companies.  “It really is surprising,” said van Gundy with a big goofy smile.

Waiting for his reward

“I just got off the phone with my agent.  Pfizer is willing to throw in a lifetime supply of viagra for the entire organization if I agree to sign with Zoloft over Prozac.” adding, “You all have seen my films, you know I don’t need it.  But Otis (Smith) is really pushing me to take the deal.”  Orlando super star center Dwight Howard fully supports the move.  “Coach has been great.  He’s nurturing, supportive, and has even taken to giving us handjobs after the game if we get a double double.  Come to think of it, that Viagra would come in handy.”

After tasting own ass

There is a force rumbling within the NBA.  A being so powerful in its presence, its shadow spans two conferences.  This awe-inspiring force of nature is THE  Shaquille O’neal.  There was a time when the Big Underachiever’s physicality brought championships and finals appearances, or at the very least winning.  This is no longer the case as recent movements over the past couple of years have unveiled a startling pattern of chaos and destruction, not unlike a plague of mediocre rapping locust genies.  The Phoenix suns can attest to the sheer horroritude of having O’neal on their team.

Anonymous Suns Source

“When he came to us, we had the best record in one of the strongest western conferences in history.  By the time he left we were a marginal playoff team at best.” said an anonymous Suns source named Steve Nash.  “The whole Shaqsperience left a bad taste in my mouth.  Got any Vitamin Water?”  Now that O’neal has been traded, the Suns once again hold the best record in the western conference.  The case of the Cleveland Cavaliers shares many similarities.  Last year Cleveland finished the regular season with the best record, not just the eastern conference, but in the entire NBA.  Eight games into this new season, the Cavs have already matched their home court losses from a year ago and are on their way to losing home court advantage, if they make the playoffs at all.  The question is, will Cleveland be able to trade the Big Underachiever to an unsuspecting team looking to rehabilitate a veteran.  Too bad Pat Riley already had a go.

Rapping before practice

*Update Below*

Miami native Pitbull is adjusting to the transition from rap impresario to point guard extraordinaire.  Pitbull, born Carlos Arroyo, spent his early youth balling around the parks of Pincrest dreaming of the day he would play in the NBA.  Somewhere along the way he found himself sidetracked by the rap game and the allure of unlimited putas.  But Pitbull never forgot his true hoop love and kept himself in peak condition as an amateur baller.

In Miami Heat Uniform

When word came around his home town Heat had a spot open on the roster for an Hispanic point guard, he figured he’d give it a shot.  “Next to being one of Michael Vick’s prize fighters, basketball has always been my numero uno athletic dream.”  Pitbull is not the first famous rapper to nurture hoop dreams.  Percy “Master P” Miller of “Make ‘Em Say Ughhh” fame also made an attempt at an NBA career, though his conditioning was often questionable.  “It’s a hard adjustment.” says Pitbull as he sips a fresh mojito from Bongos.  “Thank the Dios there’s a bunch of Holiday Inns around.”

*Pitbull’s contract picked up.

Dominican's Without Borders Press Conference

New Pistons free agent Charlie Villanueva has brought his giving ways with him to the Motor City.  At the start of every season the fifth year veteran shaves his eyebrows and auctions them off in an effort to raise money for his international charity, Dominicans Without Borders.  “Every year thousands of Dominicans struggle to earn a better life for themselves and there families in a place that is not the Dominican Republic.” said an impassioned Villanueva.  “My charity, it helps to create a support structure for these people as they try to find work and avoid INS, which can be a little tricky let me tell you.”  To date, Villanueav’s charity work has helped over 800 Dominican families relocate to places better than the Dominican Republic such as Miami, New York, and Los Anglese.

Recipients Showing Their Appreciation

When questioned about allegations the charity is a complex ruse to smuggle in sex workers from the islands, Villanueva responded,”From the janitors to the nail salon technicians, you see the effects of our work in the faces of the people we help.  If a few people decide to show their appreciation, nothing wrong with that.”  To date, Dominicans Without Borders has raised more than $240,000 through the exclusive sale of Villanueva’s various hair parts.

Back when he had money

The dwindling finances of former all-star and shimmy-shake aficianado Antoine Walker have found yet another disgruntled party with claims against them.  This time it is not the I.R.S. who is after Walker’s money, nor is it one of the many casinos he’s stiffed for millions.  No, this time it is the fans, or more precisely, the former fans of Walkers most recent stops that are demanding part of their ticket money back in proportion to Walkers salary and playing time for the years he was there.  Says one Miami Heat fan, “Bro listen.  We won a championship IN SPITE of Walker, not because of him.  Come on, two and a half years of brick after brick.  Bro!  I want my money back.” adding, “Hey dog, can you all caps the “in spite” part, for effect, you know what i’m saying.”  The complaints out of stops like Memphis are not any better.  “I tell you what.  At least that boy played in Miami. Couldn’t even get him to suite up most nights.”  Walker was recently bought out of the remainder of his contract by the Grizzlies, and has made an estimated $114 million dollars during his 13 year NBA career.

Things not heard in casinos

Walker, most known for his alien shaped head, tippy-toe 3pointers, and propensity for being tied up and robbed, had no comment as the authorities escorted him away in handcuffs from a, wait for it…casino.  His mother, on the other hand, had this to say while being questioned by shameless reporters outside of a soon to be repossessed mansion, “Look behind me.  I still have my house.  My boy still has his house.  We’re doing just fine.”  Not all of Walkers former stops have beef with him.  The Minnesota Timberwolves are understandably not a part of this growing class action debacle.  Says one die-hard Twin cities native, “Sure Walker blows, but we got rid of Mark Blount and Ricky Davis in the trade.  Maybe you didn’t hear me, I said Ricky Davis.”

Guys. Seriously!

Details are pouring in regarding the surprising end to the NBA Referee lockout.  One name coming up often in both confirmed and unconfirmed reports is that of soon to be New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov.  Prokhorov is rumored to have played an instrumental role in bringing an end to the strife between the Referee’s Union and the NBA.  The month long lockout had plagued the leagues pre-season games, stirring up the ire of several coaches and organizations.  Though the revenue gained from fining the likes of Stan Van Gundy helped offset the projected downturn in revenue for the upcoming season, the many assets of Prokhorov, playboy billionaire, proved too much for all parties to ignore.  Monetary details of the two year deal were not disclosed, but inside sources have revealed that a special “incentive” program established by Prokhorov was the key negotiation piece to gaining the the Referee’s Unions support.

Current NBA Ref 'Tang

Potential Prokhorov 'Tang

Details of the incentive program, known as the “Prokhorov Adendum,” are known to include four weekend getaways as well as two weeks vacation a year at Prokhorov’s many fully stocked mansions, chateau’s, villa’s, or palaces.  Said one NBA Ref who requested anonymity, “The negotiations took place underground with 1000 naked women swimming in a lake of champagne.  It really was a no-brainer for  55 of the 57 of us.”  When asked about the two referees that had reservations, the official said a select amount of “man-candy” had been included in the deal.  The agreement comes not a moment too soon with the start of the 2009-2010 NBA season only a day away.