Durant before prostitution

Durant before prostitution

Oklahoma City forward Kevin Durant has been openly expressing his desires to be a part of Team USA’s 2012 campaign for Olympic gold.  What isn’t so openly known is  that Durant has fallen into a Team USA Olympic bid spiral, pushing away both friends and relatives.

Durant and Pimp

Durant and Pimp

Reports are coming in from the streets of New York that a clearly excited Durant could be seen approaching strangers in and around Time Square, jumping up and down, itching with excitement to let everyone know he is very eager to play for Team USA come 2012.  Those lucky enough to be approached by the burgeoning superstar were treated to enthusiastic proclamations of “Oh baby, I gotta have me some Team USA,” and “I’ll do anything to get on you Team USA.”  One pedestrian witness says a man with a beard who looked similar to Brian Colangelo was greeted with a, “Yo yo yo, I’ll suck yo dick for some Team USA.” To which they both disappeared into the back of Durant’s stretch Hummer for an indeterminate amount of time as the witness went to get a hot dog.